Online Therapy for Adult Children of Narcissists across California and Maryland
Heal childhood wounds. Get support. Know that you are worthy.
Do you hold a belief that you will never be good enough?
You may have recently come to the conclusion or have a hunch that you have or had a narcissistic or emotionally immature, neglectful or abusive parent. Having your emotional needs go unmet as a child leaves you longing to feel seen and valued for who you are, to know that you are good enough, and that you are completely entirely lovable. You believe others around you are worthy, but you’ve grown up with a sense that there is something fundamentally flawed within you.
As both an empathic person, and an adult child of an emotionally neglectful or narcissistic parent, you are highly responsive to the needs of others, and you may feel guilty when you prioritize your needs. The idea of prioritizing yourself may even feel selfish to you.
Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) often struggle with:
People pleasing and perfectionism
Being an overachiever
Self-esteem and confidence
Frequent feelings of fear, guilt and shame
Having a core fear that you do not belong
A prolonged experience of complex grief
Being an ACON can impact all areas of your life. At work you may feel triggered by your boss’ moods and you may also be fearful of people in authority positions. If someone is volatile it may be deeply triggering and easily internalized. It may take you back to a remembered or blocked memory of how you felt with a volatile and unpredictable emotionally volatile parent. You may be perfectionistic at work and your inner voice may be harsh and quite critical of who you are and the work that you do.
In your dating and romantic relationships, you may have a history where you date two extremes of partners. You may date people who feel like a “safe” choice, believing that they will not hurt you, but you may also struggle and feel unloved and undesired in that relationship, reinforcing and triggering your deepest fears. Or, you might date someone who reminds you somehow deep down, unconsciously, of a narcissistic parent. Initially they are charming, focused on you and make you feel so special, one of a kind, and they may be quite complimentary as they seem to love so many things about you. You think to yourself, “finally, a healthy relational dynamic with someone who really sees me and makes me feel special.” Then little digs begin to happen, they gaslight you, cross multiple boundaries, guilt you, trigger you and leave you feeling shaken, confused, exposed and hurt. You feel overwhelmed and may want to take a break from dating because this pattern continues to happen and you feel stuck in the extremes of dating.
In your friendships and with your family, you are deeply attuned to the needs of others, and their needs often come before yours. Others are your focus; you are kind and nice to a fault. You people please in your relationships, and may feel that you are unworthy of the friendships you do have, and you have to work to continue to earn the love and respect of people around you. You may also have a history of having friends with narcissistic traits, or non-reciprocal friendships where you are the giver and they enjoy being the receiver. You are terrified of volatility in others, often personalizing and internalizing it, even healthy conflict is unsettling for you.
In therapy together I support you in your healing process. In my work with ACONs, I draw from many therapeutic modalities, especially Attachment Theory and Person-Centered Therapy. We will clarify the goals that you have and I will support you reaching those goals. The process takes work and effort in and out of therapy, and the outcome is well worth all that you put into it.
In addition to the heaviness and grief of processing what we did not get in childhood, clients also often want to reconnect with who you are, what you love, what is unique about you and all of the beautiful qualities that you have to offer to yourself and the world around you. Connect with your needs, increase self-love and compassion. Your life can change. You can wake up in the morning with a deep appreciation for all that you are, release the guilt of prioritizing your needs, and boost your self-confidence and increase your willingness to be seen and loved - to the core - for who you are.
My approach in working with ACONs is a supportive, gentle and empathic process. You may feel like the ground beneath you is shaking as you attempt to come to terms with what your childhood was, or you may suspect narcissism or emotional neglect and also not be ready to accept it, you may be actively working to maintain a relationship with your parent but with an increase in boundaries, and/or you may be processing tremendous complex grief for all of the love that you did not feel as a child.
Wherever you are in your process, I will meet you there.
In therapy together, my goal is to get to know you and learn about all that you hope for, in therapy and in life. While each person’s goals in therapy are unique, some common issues that ACONs value addressing in therapy are:
A belief that you are fundamentally flawed
That you are worthless or worth less than others
For parents, a deep fear that you will parent like your parent
A loathing of any parts of you that you worry may be narcissistic
A grief experience that few people seem to understand and many invalidate
Feelings of guilt, fear or selfishness when you set boundaries or care for yourself
In therapy together I will support you to
Grieve the childhood that you deserved but did not get
Learn to be a kind and nurturing voice to yourself
Prioritize your needs and reconnect with who you are
Identify who you are and what you love in life
Improve your relationship with yourself and with others
Develop self-love and self-compassion for yourself
Do not suffer in silence. Get support. Improve your life. Know that you are worthy and that you deserve to be seen and loved for who you are.